How to thrive in any situation

by | May 5, 2020 | Uncategorised

Thriving, Adjective:

prosperous and growing; flourishing

What does it mean to thrive to you? To me it means to be able to have a mindset of being able to just go with flow of life. I’m generally a planner, however, when I find I let go and live a little without the control generally I enjoy and appreciate the moment that much more. It’s easier said than done! What comes with planning and control is the desire to have an outcome in my head which I strive to achieve or want as the goal. It also means that I’m a worrier and I always look at things in the past, often not being in the present.  However, life isn’t ever that straight forward and if I was more open to opportunities and possibilities of the outcome I desire, then I may have more of a thriving mindset.

When life throws an obstacle in the way, many times I’ve looked at it as the end, instead of looking at it as a detour. This then becomes another opportunity or possibility.  This has often led to frustration or annoyance that I can’t get to where I need to, or want to be in the time I wanted, because of XY and Z. Did I ever think for a second that the universe put this in front of me as a learning curve? something I should accept and go with – something sent to help me thrive? No! I didn’t, but looking back I can see it.

It’s said that there are three main things people with a thriving mindset posses:

Self Acceptance – be proud of who we are without the facade

Courage – to face our doubts and fears

Willingness – to hold those parts of ourselves we’re ashamed of with compassion.

There may be many reasons why we stop ourselves from thriving. Depression, a past trauma or medical reasons perhaps. For me it’s always been confidence and acceptance – this has a lot to do with trauma and depression. It’s always held me back. Even though I practice yoga I’ve still always felt I self sabotage! (that’s another blog haha). It’s always a learning process for me. This has been what my yoga journey is about – some self realisation. Surviving and thriving situations is a process I’m starting to learn, it’s not been an easy one but slowly it’s coming.

It’s very easy to live.

While it is far more comfortable to believe that the darkest parts of life will never touch us, that just isn’t true. Learning to accept yourself and your life is more than just getting beyond the negative coping mechanisms that drag you down. It’s also about developing new habits that allow you to thrive when the going gets tough.

Here is a road map to start to help the mindset of thriving:

1. Bin the frustration: I’m laughing as I write this one because it’s happened so many times for me. I’m thinking now more than ever with the given situation of lockdown. It’s frustrating I can’t have my usual routine, see who I’d like to, go where I want and work to achieve what I need to. I’ve often lost my loaf as some call it, which a has led to bad choices and decisions because I’ve become annoyed. This has usually been because I’ve let the frustration build up inside. What I’ve learnt now is to talk it over with someone who often can put some perspective into it and it gives me a chance to air out my frustration!
2. What’s the lesson to be learnt: there is always one! Everything has a lesson to be learnt, the good and the bad. There’s a saying ‘Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can’t have a rainbow without a little bit of rain’ and that is correct! Whether it’s losing a friend, the loss of a loved one or a failed relationship there is something we should take away from it. Surviving these situations means sometimes you need to really look hard at the positives to come from it. It helps you to move on from it. These moments maybe challenging but they help us build resilience.
3. You are not alone: I’m singing while I write this one ‘your not alone’. I’ve often felt alone. I think it’s a feeling many experience until we reach out and talk. No matter how grey your clouds are right now, there is always someone going through or has been through, something similar to you. Guess what! They are surviving or have survived it and you will too.
4. Don’t be reactive, be objective: Something I’ve had to really start to learn to do. Some days’ you just have to let be what will be. Let it pass. Being angry, annoyed, upset doesn’t change the situation. Take yourself out of the situation look at the bigger picture and remove your feelings from it. When we allow ourselves to do this, we then look at it objectively. It helps us to see life isn’t perfect, no matter how hard we try to make it, or how we play it.

5. ​You always have a choice: Yes you do! Even though sometimes it seems as if your hand is forced and it’s out of your control what we have is the choice over how we react. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade they say. When we get a hurdle we choose how we can react to it. Fester over, it be angry and annoyed, or learn from it let it pass by and move on. That’s a choice we make. Choosing wisely means we can thrive!

6. ​A helping hand: there’s always someone to count on if we ask and accept it. I’m so stubborn and often cut my nose off to spite my face (the hubby tells me). Sometimes it’s a battle of wills, other time’s I genuinely want to achieve it myself. But it’s not always possible. We can learn great things from others helping us. Often we rely on it from family, friends etc. Don’t know about you but social media for me plays a huge part in my life because of work. Although I’ve removed myself personally, I still see a lot!  It has often had a detrimental affect on me. Society has created this perfect mother, perfect teacher, perfect figure, wife, house, family, kids. We need an award to show how good we are, crave a person’s admiration to make us feel loved or superior.  It can mean the difference between me asking for help or not because I don’t want anyone to think any less of me.  It’s a trap I am still trying hard to come out of. I feel like society has played the part of making it the normality to show perfect pictures and not a reality of true situations. It adds immense pressure to people’s lives, often a feeling of being inferior when we show the world anything but our “best”. Rather than ask for help we carry on and you can imagine this can lead to all kinds of negative thoughts and feelings. Instead what we must learn to do is ask for help and accept it. However, whilst we do know that it can be the one of the greatest life lessons we can learn — asking for help when we need it!

7. ​Life is like a box of chocolates: Forest gumps finest lines…you never know which one you’ll get. Nothing is more truer in life. It’s full of ups and downs,things will make you laugh and cry, sad or happy. We have to take the rough with the smooth to be our true selves.  We may want to get to D via the easiest route of A, but have the detours of B and C to go through first.  This means we find another way to achieve our goals and to get there we just learn along the way.  

8. ​It’s out of your hands: This is another one I massively struggle with! You should stay focused on the things you can change (rather than the things that you can’t) – Ifind this challenging. I get hung up on things I can’t change – for example, the opinion of a person about me. It’s not my problem, I know this, however I question experiences with them, conversations I’ve had with them and wonder how they got to their conclusion of me. I know I can’t change their opinion of me and it does bother me! -especially when I know I’ve been a good person to them. What I can do is focus on what I can do, rather than what I can’t do. I can boost my own self-esteem and help increase my own life confidence. Usually a call to my mum or chat to my hubby at this point, to be reminded of my strengths helps! Write down all your good at and look for something creative to do with it. It’s rewarding and helps to boost your self–esteem.

I hope somehow this has helped someone, somewhere, relate.

I’m not perfect… I don’t pretend to be. I am ‘what you see is what you get’……I have struggles just like everyone else.